Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mid-week Miscellany. Laugh Your Blues Away


A village schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Maharashtra was transferred to Bombay on the eve of the Independence Day during Emergency. As per convention of the school, he was to address the students in English on the importance of August 15th. The following is a text of his prepared speech in English:
“ Pracharya, mahoday, contemporaries, children,
This is my first maidan speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but two very important reasons objected me. Firstly, when my son and I was making exit from my house, the wire-man gave me a telegram message for me. I got real sock when I read that my feverish and weekly mother become very dangerous. I rushed her village for one last site of her before she exfired. By the time I reached, she had finished and her eyes were locked. Inspite of doctor’s injunctions and administration of best medicine, my mother fell from the frying pan into the fire.
What can we do, you tell me. Man preposseses but god disposseses. I asked doctor if my mother was in her senses when she died. Doctor said she had census till 9’o clock but was non-sense by 10 pm, Anyway, with water in our eyes, we gave mother all the last rights and then carried her to the firing ground. We fired her with sandalwood, incense and ghee. After mother was reduced to asses in the fire, we collected some
of the asses for drowning them in the Ganga river because it is the best habit among Hindus. Before we left, my friend Joseph wrote R.I.P. on ground. I asked him why. He said me that for Christians it means Return if possible. What foolisness ! When my mother do not know how to read angrezi, how she will read these letters and return if possible. You tell, my children, is it not reely very foolis ? Anyhow, funeral celebration became grand success.
Coming to subject, we got independence because of great leaders like Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it. Today we all have our birth rate. You children are future dynastic generators of the nation. Look into future times only. No backside looking or looking at your behind. Be like great men. Reminder what the Lord Nelson, the great man of war said during navel battle between Russia with America? No? He said, “ England excepts every man who does his duty”. One day you must become inventories and discoverers like Raman, Loosebelt etc. They were all geniuses. Genius is one percent perspiration and ninety nine percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After you finish here in the school. You can go to college to get degrees. Then you can become great liars in Supreme Court, shattered accountants, lecherers in colleges like Elephant-son in Bombay etc.
The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil and we are malice, matlab, gardeners. We will bury you in the soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you become great phools, matlab, flowers of India.
You must be proud of your school. You heard schools like Eaten, Arrow and Rubby. No?. They are great schools. The battle of watergate was one on the playing fields of Nixon and Eaton. In this emergency, you will have to play your roll from his side and her side. The programme of the 20 point and 5 point of our Prime Minister Indira Gandhi and Sanjay Gandhi are very important. Therefore, you must see that no time goes to waist. Gird up your lions and roll up your sleeves just now for the country and play your emergency roll.
I am now ending this fastly, but before I am finished here, I will give a fine coating from a longfellow which is a poetry. By heart it, children.
“ Wives of great men all remind us
We can take our wives sometimes
And deporting them, leave behind us
Good prints in the hands of time”

May God blast you. I am finished. Jai Hind and Jai Maharashtra.

After the speech, the principal cancelled the screening of a Laurel and Hardy film scheduled for the afternoon which was not necessary.

Collected by BMN. Murthy
MIDWEEK SPECIAL---Laugh Away Your Troubles
Created: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 11:06 AM


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